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The value of a woman in Indian society

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This entry was posted on 4/25/2006 8:37 PM and is filed under Women.

BY MAYA NAIR

Although India has improved immensely from the state it was in fifty years ago, we have a long way to go to catch up with other enlightened societies.
 
There are many families in India who rejoice when a baby is born, regardless of whether the baby is a girl or boy. And then there are families who send off the new mother to her parent's house to show their displeasure because the baby happens to be female. Some families start hoarding steel vessels and jewellery as soon as a baby girl is born. Part of the dowry, they say.. for a girl has to be "send off" with as huge a dowry as possible!
 
Growing up in Kerala, we four sisters would get dressed up in pretty "frocks", our glass bangles and our costume jewellery, feeling like princesses, and our neighbors would look at us and say - oh, poor things, they don't have a brother to bring indowry..How are they ever going to get these girls married?
 
A girl in India has no value, other than her potential to get married and have a family! When you see a girl walking by, does anyone think of her brilliant future as the Prime  Minister, an astronaut or an Epidemiologist? I think not!  Maybe she will be fortunate enough to marry one?
 
In Kerala, I am happy to admit that the future for girls is far better than many of the states in India where illiteracy and caste system has almost wiped out most chances for progress. Stories about dowry deaths in Uttar Pradesh, female infanticide in Tamil Nadu and selective abortion of female babies in Rajasthan are changing fe/male ratios and bring fear into young girls..When I have a daughter, will she be valued by society? What will happen to me if I don't get married? If I get widowed?
 
Women can setup homes and apartments alone in most places in the world. In India, however, a woman staying alone in a house is constantly threatened by fear of a burglary or worse, a brutal attack. Unless safety is  guaranteed by the government, how can a woman live alone? It has come to the  point where we need to have a man so that we can keep other men away!
 
A society progresses when every citizen in it has a chance to succeed. In many states, girls are encouraged to study  and excel in schools and colleges, but in the vast majority of the villages, the girl's schools are understaffed and in pitiable condition.
 
When can we claim that a young female baby born in India will have the same chances in life as that of a young male baby? When a woman is valued for her identity, not that of her father's or her husband's or her son's. When a woman can own a house and live alone without fear. When a women is respected equally whether she is single or married or widowed. When a woman can do the sacred rites for her parents who have passed away. When women priests equal in numbers to male priests. When a father does not have to "give away" the bride. When a woman who was raped does not have to hang herself in shame. When a female baby born anywhere in India will be greeted with joy and wonder for being the co-creator, the shelter, the nurturer and the amazing miracle of life that she is.
 
 
 
 

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    • 4/26/2006 12:43 PM Ganga P wrote:
      "Amazing miracle of life that she is!" That is the most empowering message for women. When every woman realizes and feels it in them the life will change for women in India! Thanks, for the phrase, Maya!
      Reply to this
    • 4/26/2006 10:57 PM Shreelata Madangarli wrote:
      What a powerful message for women,Maya! Being in the US I think we tend to forget the grim prospects of women in a country like India where dowry deaths and female infanticide have ever been on the rise. Keep echoing your sentiments .
      Reply to this
    • 4/27/2006 12:41 PM Beena wrote:
      Mayae,

      Sensitive but a worthy subject. Yes the women in Karla has a better life, when compared to other parts of India. Still "Dowry system" prevail in this educated state. In some cases murder of women over dowry is ignored by the official circles—by the police, the courts, politicians and media. These crimes are not isolated to particular groups, geographical regions or even religions. An exact and accurate number is difficult to retrieve. But in 1995 National Crime Bureau of Government Of India reported about 6,000 dowry deaths every year.

      Your mention about parents hording up vessels, jewels, furniture for their daughter’s marriage made me realize how extensively tortured would have been the mind, of my childhood buddy’s husband, for him to commit suicide, mainly because he could not fathom how he would marry his daughters off. This was an educated man having a decent income. Deny or it face it we have a vicious problem.

      The Indian dancer Mallika Sarabhai put it this way: "Hinduism is the only philosophy in the world where the woman does not come out of the man" Despite such a great belief, in traditional Hindu culture of today only women and untouchables (the lowest caste) are forbidden to know, hear or read the Vedas, the sacred Hindu texts. Women are denied an equal share of inheritance because in most families, only the sons inherit the wealth of the parents, as married girls are no longer considered part of the family. (Of course there are many exceptions) Similarly, only a son can perform the funeral rites (lighting the pyre) that ensure the soul of the dead’s safe passage!!!..

      With progress, situations are changing, but not fast enough.
      Reply to this
    • 5/3/2006 7:31 PM Gita Maheshwaran wrote:
      Gender-inequities are described as the bad fruits of patriarchal society. Gender imbalances exist in all societies and in all religions. One can argue or not that women State leaders in developing nations like India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Phillipines, Argentina have set precedent to social reforms. Something yet to be seen in USA. Dan Brown's The DA Vinci Code, second of his trilogy acclaims about the lost sacred feminine. The antichristian sentiments; and fact or fictional description of Mary Magdalene as the vessel that held the blood of Jesus Christ in the book not only invited the wrath of catholic church but also proclaimed that church curtailed the role of women. In Hinduism, every male God has a corresponding female counterpart, the Shakti. The Shakti is perceived as the active principle, the dynamic energy of man which is a reversal of the Western view. In order to reclaim the gender-balanced society (Christianity or Hinduism), it is imperative to get the men involved. When a man speaks in favor of a woman, it is heard louder than if a woman does and, therefore, some of the programs we employed in my adopted village in Tamilnadu resort to this strategy.
      Reply to this
    • 5/4/2006 11:35 AM Sonali wrote:
      Women are women's worst enemies.Its the mother who grooms her daughter to understand that finding a suitable husband is the most important thing in her life.Her career and her father's family are secondary.If she leaves her abusive husband, she is the world's worst wife and her future is doomed....,even her own family will not support her in such a crisis..... and so on.
      Educated women need to start making a statement for themselves, telling the society that they have an individuality,apart from their husbands and family, if they are married and that they can be happy pursuing a career and living with their father's family, if they choose to do that, and that society needs to stop making them feel guilty about trying to achieve a worthwhile career or living a life of their own.
      Having been out of the country for more than 6 years now,I'm not exactly aware of how things have changed as to a woman's status, but even if they have it is at a very very slow pace.
      I feel that to make a strong statement for themselves, the most important thing is for females to attain financial independence,then and only then can we come close to changing anything in the Indian Society..... and I strongly believe we can do it.Difficult but not impossible!!!
      Reply to this
    • 6/19/2006 11:38 AM Woke wrote:
      Well written.
      But I believe the situation is changing atleast in certain regions in India. Especially if we are able to imbibe the good qualities of foreign societies(and not all of them are enlightened so as to speak) that we are increasingly getting exposed to.
      To eliminate the practice of dowry is I think a critical way to address these problems. It is upto the Indian youngsters to accept that the practice as fundamentally wrong and urge others to work towards a change. And as Sonali said it is also upto the women to stand up for their rights and their independence in society.
      Reply to this
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