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Domestic abuse among Indians This entry was posted on 5/1/2006 9:02 PM and is filed under Women. BY MAYA NAIR
Looking through the mail today (5/1/2006), I was surprised to see an unfamiliar handwriting. It turned out to be one of my cousins who is struggling to keep her sanity while raising two beautiful girls in Kerala. I have helped her with whatever I had to offer on several occasions. Along with the neat hand-written thank-you notes from the girls, I found a short hurried note from my cousin, a note asking me to pray for her and the children. Her husband has tried to strangle her several times, sometimes in front of the children, and she was afraid that he may succeed the next time! "According to the 2002 study, 45 percent of Indian women are slapped, kicked or beaten by their husbands. India also had the highest rate of violence during pregnancy. Of the women reporting violence, 50 percent were kicked, beaten or hit when pregnant. About 74.8 percent of the women who reported violence have attempted to commit suicide." The above quote is from an article, one of the many that have been done by Washington-based International Center for Research on Women, not 30 years ago, but as recently as four years ago. For a woman, the higher the education, the more chance of being abused! That goes against all our ideas of "educating" and "uplifting of women", doesn't it? :( The reason is that women are trying desperately to empower themselves in a society that fights any such change. Does that mean we keep all girls at home and teach them cooking as was done before? Or does it mean that the whole world needs to become aware that threatening and subjugating a woman is not the answer to a successful society? People are suprised to hear that in Kerala, domestic abuse (verbal, physical and emotional ) has increased! WOW, I must be living in a different era! Wonder who is out of touch with reality! So what advice should I give my cousin? Barely keeping up with the necessities and educating the children all by herself with help from her relatives, should she find a lawyer and try to divorce her criminal husband? Or, like she writes, should she just learn to "not push his buttons", obey and get along even after 20 years of misery? After all, that is what "good" Indian women do! What about the older child, who has nightmares after seeing her father strangle his mother? She is in eighth standard, at a time when love blossoms in a young girl's mind. All she knows about relationships is that its a violent nightmare. And will society allow her to stay single? Value her for being an individual? Or force her into an arranged marriage? All around me are stories about women giving up after 26 years, 28 years or marriage, heaving a sigh of relief when the children are grown up and leave the house. These women have lost a major part of their life. What if they had a chance as soon as they found out that they had married a criminal? Of course, there are several people living comfortable lives with adjusting and loving husbands who think that its all the women's fault for not making their marriage a "success". Walking in these women's shoes for ONE DAY may make these naysayers open their eyes and run back to their safe homes. The government may have made many improvements over the years to support and empower these abused women, but unless society supports and encourages women to value themselves and their children enough to know when to leave a marriage, domestic abuse will prevail and even thrive. CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
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