BY NARENDER REDDY

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. –  Greek philosopher Socrates

I don’t know who exactly said it- it could just be a myth- but we’ve often heard the saying, ‘Marriages are made in heaven’.

Every religion has a different theory on the evolution of mankind. Without getting into malicious arguments on which religion is right etc., let us assume for this column, that first God created ‘Adam’. A little later, God said, "It is not good for man to be all alone” and so he created ‘Eve’, a woman. (Genesis 2:18).

Life was beautiful for both Adam and Eve. They lived happily together without getting married. After some time though, as human evolution matured to a stage where every man and woman was living happily, without bothering to follow any social or legal restraints, God started to get bored. He was upset that no one was thinking of him or seeking his help.

Then, this concept of ‘marriage’ flashed to God. He thought, “only if I could put this relationship as binding under the title ‘marriage’, these couples will get bored after a while and may seek my guidance and help from time to time”. Thus, God thought, he could be of help to the human kind he had created and get himself entertained enormously as well. True to his expectations, God never had another dull moment and it has been pure entertainment ever since.

Later, our learned people authored the catchy slogan ‘Marriages are made in heaven’. If marriages are really made in heaven by God, then what do you call them, whose marriages end in divorce? Superior to God? How else could they break the writ of God?

If marriages are made in heaven between a man and a woman, what about the current demand to legalize same sex marriages? Does God have a role in it too? Or he is just looking for entertainment of a different kind?

Arranged marriages are the best example of the notion that marriages are made in heaven. Lately, as we see, many of these arranged marriages are becoming deranged marriages. It doesn’t mean love marriages are doing any better. Statistically, arranged marriages, as in our Indian culture, have a better chance of surviving than the love marriages of western culture. But it is hard to say which category of people are more happy!

Apparently, some people take their marriage vows, “till death do us part’ literally (a la Scot Peterson and O.J.Simpson) and try to find a detour to their freedom by murdering their spouse. Some even hasten the death of their spouse by divorcing them while they are terminally ill, thus denying them dignity even in death.

In our Indian-American culture, we see all sorts of marriages viz., arranged marriages, love marriages, inter-religious marriages, inter-racial marriages etc. The first generation is gradually compromising between new and old traditions and blessing their children’s choice of a life partner even if it is not to their taste. Sometimes it is painful, but parents have learned to accept that children have a right to choose their own partners.

The day is not too far when if a son/daughter comes home and declares “hey…guess what… I am in love and getting married”, you would only hope that it is a person of the opposite sex that he/she is planning to marry.

Is there such a thing as a perfect marriage? If you define perfection as a mansion in the suburbs, two productive careers, vacations at fabulous resorts, an ever-increasing stock portfolio, real estate holdings, and obedient children, you may find happiness in your home elusive.

But if your definition of perfection also includes consideration and respect for your partner's goals and ideals, encouraging each other to grow mentally and spiritually, surmounting overwhelming hurdles hand-in-hand, crying together when the news is foreboding, smiling – even laughing together – at the first glimpse of hope, you will be on your way to a perfect marriage.

The Jamaicans have a proverb: "Before you marry, keep your two eyes open. After you marry, shut one." The Jamaicans may be right. Close the eye that would magnify your partner's faults and shortcomings. But if you do close one eye after you are married, be sure that the eye, which is open, focuses on God.

Honestly, I don’t have any idea on what could be construed as a perfect marriage. I am not a surgeon; I just do postmortem.

 

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