|
|
|
Home of the Indian American Family |
|
|
|
Raising children in the culture gap This entry was posted on 4/18/2009 7:34 AM and is filed under general. BY MAYA NAIR There are many
parents in the Indian diaspora who are now grappling with the late
stage effects of child-raising gone awry. Unfortunately, our Indian
parenting skills may not always be very effective within this melting
pot culture.
As some of
us know, India used to have a very strict code for raising children.
Wake up early, read up on our religious and non-religious books,
compulsively take a bath in the moring, do puja before going to school,
etc.
Even though
some children were fortunate enough to be allowed some playtime, many
of us weren't. And we had to do other chores of help the parents after
returning from school.
And the
homework !!! Indian schools and teachers were so strict! There was no
school board to support us or stop hte teachers from doling out cruel
punishment. One school I
studied at (thankfully, only a brief year there!) was St
Joseph's school in Kalamasherry, a small town near Cochin, where
they ritually flogged all kids, once for each exam they "failed"!!
And the govt
did nothing! This school was even commended by the govt for its high
achievements! I wonder if that school still exists and if they still
flog the innocent children there while teaching them a grade level
higher than the norm. I wonder how many of those kids have emotional
issues now. Sad.
Here, in the USA, we soon find
out that child rearing is something we need books for. What we learned
from our parents in India has no connection to how children "need to
be" raised here. And our children don't understand why we are so
strict, why we always encourage them to do better and why, oh why do
they have to get A grades when the parents of their friends are always
so proud when the kids just do "regular everyday stuff"??
Unfortunately, children don't
come with their own documentation or "Quickstart" manuals. So our only
option was to advice them about the way we grew up. I did walk miles to
school in the rain and snow (ok, no snow!
 ) Most of us are tough on our first child. The second one gets an easy ride. Some
parents still think of their children as trophies. When Indian parents
get together, the conversations turn to money or colleges. Even when
the child is five years old, Indian parents are already chalking out
colleges and looking at future employment opportunities! Little do
they understand that the child has a brain for a reason. Hey, let them
think! they are not YOU!
In this land of anorexia,
bulimia, and all sorts of mysterious conditions, it is better to take
the safe road when raising children. Although most of us have dreams
for our children (or are they our own unfulfilled dreams?) it is futile
to make them do anything that they are not willing to do.
From kindergarten, these
children are told that they are individuals, their likes and dislikes
are important and that they alone should decide where life will lead
them. For Indian parents, that is a very unchartered path indeed. We
did what our parents told us and we had few choices. Why should our
kids have choices? Wouldn't that be dangerous?
However, in this country, and
even in India nowadays, so many careers are popping up every day.
But all middle-class Indian or Indian-American parents are still
shooting for "Doctor or Engineer" careers - for their children!
Its
like they are stuck in a time warp!Although most of our jobs have
now gone to India, the newer ideas still seem to come from creative
brains who are schooled in a non-restricted, out-of-the-box American
style education. These brains are behind all the new ideas that come up
in the world. Alas, with our schooling, we suck at design, but
are excellent at maintenance!!
Many of us have problems
thinking creatively for the only reason that we weren't allowed to do
so while growing up. Now that we are in the USA where every child has
access to the best that the world can offer, shouldn't we allow them to
make decisions and learn from them? Isn't that what life is all about?
CommentsDisplay comments as (Linear | Threaded)
|
|
|
Copyright 2005 http://BLOGS.NRIPULSE.COM. All rights reserved.